mymachinedream
I come here, and then I am gone. The summer months come i think. I can’t see out of the room, and I know that i have no way of knowing. But at the same moment that I can’t know, i know with certainty. I have seen the summer months roll past. Roll into the dusk of this room. I won’t be able to put all those moments behind me.
I was awake one moment, then i closed my eyes to blink and didn’t open them again. I was sort of cast out, cast into my dreams and then froze there. I was confused at first when i landed in my dream. I normally remember being in them, but not getting into them in the beginning. Is this the start of a new phase of my dreaming?
I woke up in the same bed. The same bed in the same room. The same room in this light that never changes. The same light on my sheets covering my body. My body that I can’t move, and all of this over and over again.
I was gone. Gone somewhere far away. This time it seemed like i was lost for so long i didn’t know how i would have come back. I knew that i was still there. Somewhere inside a place that was a shell of myself. It felt like a crystal fragment. Something that had been shattered off and locked away. Something smaller and pulled inward.
I woke this morning, or evening, or day. I woke this morning with a start. I was embedded in the middle of a stone of diamond. A crystal chamber that surrounded me on all sides. The light was beyond clear and bright. It was yellow and white and the brightest thing i had ever seen in my life. And then i woke up. So quickly that It was like a flash frame went off in my mind, and i went from the diamond to the room i am in. No delay, and no fuzzing around the edges of the mind or the dream. No dissolving, only one moment to the next.Continue reading
I have to try again. Again, and again and again and again. I feel like i am going crazy right now. Like an itch or a nagging pull against a sheet while you are trying to sleep. Something keeps pulling at my soul. Something is nagging at me, teasing inside of my brain and body. Have you ever had to sleep, and all of your joints felt like they needed you to stretch them over and over to release this build-up of pressure? I feel like there is something inside my skin, deep into my core that needs to be ripped and pulled apart
Last night was such a dream. It happened twice now that I have dreamt of trains. I remember the last time it happened the train was in motion. Rolling alongside the freeway i was driving on. The train seemed to be frozen in space, and i was driving so fast. I remember looking over then and seeing the windows lit up from inside. People motionless, and yet keeping pace with me. This dream was a train, but nothing else was the same.
I am still here. Still frozen in place in this bed. Something changed though. Something is different. It was tiny, and at first I didn’t know what was causing me this distress. What had changed in the room i have been in so long that I can’t imagine anything in the world beyond these walls. Nothing except the dreams that I seem to live half my life in. Although lately, it seems that more than half is in these dreams that I keep returning too.
A ringing came out of my head in my dream last night. It was this sound like someone had hit a crystal with an iron rod. Something large, and like a monolith. Something that stood to the sky, and then someone ran at it with a huge iron rod in their hands. They hit it and the sound started at the base and travelled up the length of the crystal.
I couldn’t see any of this, it wasn’t even a part of my dream. I remember parts of what was in my head, and then this sound. This ringing deep sound started. It was something like a force pushing into my whole body from the sound alone. It made my teeth hurt. My eyes felt full.
The thing about the sound is that I knew where it was coming from, and couldn’t tell you how i knew, or where it was coming from. It seemed to flood into the world. Like a noise that became all the world around me. Then something happened that hasn’t happened that I can remember. I knew i wasn’t awake. I knew i was in a dream, and i didn’t wake up. It was like waking up in a strange place, and not knowing how i got there. Knowing that I was asleep, i could see around myself and see the movement of the things around me.
Suddenly I knew i was a part of this dream, but apart from the dream. I need to find out what this crystal was. Who rang the thing, and what was it for. What was the reason for my waking up now. Why wasn’t i awake in the world, and still in the dream i was in before. I know this means something, and seem like right now i can’t focus to figure it out.
Like i know that I need to figure out why my brain seems to shudder and start. Why is my mind piecing this background information into my reality. Why is the dream becoming so much more real than anything else. When was i last awake, and why are my dreams becoming more vivid over time. I seem to be putting things together while my body sleeps. Frozen, but my mind moves.
Everyplace my mind goes, i leave these trails behind me to follow back on day. Even these tiny thoughts seem to catch in my mind. They leave these memories that are like pathways to follow. Tiny lines between me and the dream. Each one seems to have a label hanging over it that can tell me when and where it goes. I know i can follow these thoughts back to the source.Continue reading