I can’t understand why the days seem so much longer now.  They seem to last weeks and months.  I fall asleep one moment, and the next it is morning.  I am sure though that huge chunks of time have passed while I am asleep.  I don’t know how i know.  There isn’t anything in this room to tell me, or anything in my body feeling that would clue me in.  I know though.  Like an internal clock starts up when I am awake, and I am shocked to read the date.  Something about it scares me.  Like my reality is falling apart. At the same time, i am excited.  I’m living more it seems away from this room.  Away from this place.  

 

It is a feeling of freedom for me right now to wake up. Like I am waking up into a world that has less of a grip on me. Someone has been in the room too. Did I mention that? During my sleep, one of the long ones. Someone walked into the room at least. It was a painting that gave it away. One of the paintings on the dull walls had been moved, and then straightened. Like someone bumped into it with their shoulder, and then put it back. If they had just left it tilted, i would have thought maybe it was just a natural shift due to some environmental factor. But the fact that it was put back is what made me realize someone was here. The impact of that is amazing. Someone was here with me. In the waking world. Someone was here sharing my air, and space. I could see the tiny difference in where the painting hung on the wall. The tiny slice next to the frame was off in color. Less bleached than the surrounding wall.

If i didn’t stare at those walls for so long each day. I wouldn’t have noticed the change. Wouldn’t have seen the color. Who is in here watching me? What are they doing here while I am dreaming? Are they worried that I am spending more time in my dreams. They seem much more real than my time here in this room. I am wanting more and more to sleep and be in those places. I have so many things to tell. I’ve watched so much happen. I have had more times with strangers. People have begun to look at me in the dreams.

Maybe the people visiting when i sleep have something to do with the electric sounds behind me. Maybe it is some monitor, or warning signal if i am gone for too long. What could a sound like that be for? They must be powering something behind me. Out of my sight line, or below the bed. Strange how i go to They after not knowing so long. Why is They always capitalized? How am is so sure there are more than one of them. What are they doing in here while i sleep? Can they see the dreams that I see?