Shouldn’t i be able to hear the wind? I think i might be underground. I don’t know where or when this thought was in my head, but now I can’t get rid of it. I know that even in a building of stone and metal, something like a factory or a hospital, or something strong like a skyscraper, i should be able to feel the vibration of the wind, in some way. Especially since i have so little sensory data to work on here. But there isn’t anything. I never feel any movement, and no noise at all. Where am i right now?
If i think about it, i can kind of see where the thought came from. I remember so many dreams lately of time in the cold. I remember biting wind at my face, and the sting of cold water in the winter. I know that i have been dreaming of wintertime, and ice. I saw a river starting to freeze. Slowly in the eddy of the rocks at first, where the rock face met the water. Slowly spreading out to cover the space between rocks, then reaching out into open water. I remember the color of the ice. the whiteness in the margins, and the blue white in the center. How the sound of that water hitting the edge of the ice sounded as it flowed beneath it.
So much of these dreams, i remember the sound and the feeling of the wind. I remember being indoors. In a warm house, with soft clothes, feeling the wind howling through the bones of the house itself. Not a scary sound at all, but somehow more comforting to know i was secure. Something held back those winds, and the cold weather they carried. And that feeling though of knowing the energy in the wind. I felt it in my body that the air was shoving at the home, and pushing against it to come inside. This feeling is missing now.
I know that maybe i am just in a stronger building. Maybe my body doesn’t feel things in the same way as before. The reason i can’t move anything might be the same reason i can’t feel the building transmit that energy. I know that isn’t the case though. I know something inside me would notice if the weather was still there. Still outside like it is in my dreams. Even the gentle movements of a hi-rise building would show through in some way my body would notice.
I can’t help but thinking that I am buried deep underground. Somewhere where the only sound i would notice would be the creaking of the earth. I wonder if that is why i have so many thoughts of earth. So many dreams of the ground and the dust. Maybe i can feel the weight of the world above me, and the dust of the ground dug up to make room for wherever i am. It seems that something is turning my mind to where I have been placed. Maybe that will point a way to understand better what has happened to me, and how to change the place i am in.