I was in a dark room with my eyes closed. I was holding them so tightly closed. I stood there for a long moment. Then i couldn’t remember why I had them closed so tightly in the first place. I tried wracking my mind for something to tell me why they were closed. Why am i standing here? Why am i standing? How long has it been, and how do i remember what it is like to stand up? There I was though, with my eyes closed in a dark room.
How did i know the room was dark if my eyes were closed? How did it remind me of when i stood in a deep lava tube. So far underground that the wall and floor had slowly gotten together in the middle. Crawling on my knees on the cutting glass like floor. Then flipping off the flashlight. Knowing when my eyes were closed it was as dark as when they were open. My mind just pulled away from where I am now. Again it pulled me away from thinking of where I was, and where I am right now. I am here. I am in this room. I am standing with my eyes closed, and my body knowing I am in the dark.
I forced my breath to slow down. Slow down and get my brain back together with my mind. No more thoughts of anything that aren’t where I am right now. I am ready to open up my eyes. I slowly force them open. Nothing changes. It is still dark here. I wasn’t expecting anything else, but somehow this is disappointing. Dissappointing that nothing was waiting for me when i finally looked around. When i opened my eyes.
That is when i noticed the small lights. Small like fireflies, but I think they were stationary. I am sure that they didn’t move that I could track. It seems like our eyes are built for motion, and even the stealthiest object becomes more visible when it moves. But these lights ran off into the distance. Faint lights glowing steady in the distance. Running in lines all the way till they fall away. Fuzzy and small in the distance. They look steady, but then i realize they are flashing. The flashes are in between long periods of steady green light. Soft green for a while, and then a slight blink and then back to green.
My mind is counting the moments pause between lights. A small pause, and another, and another, and then a longer pause. And then the pattern repeats. Does the pattern mean something? It never seems to change. Three small pauses, and then a longer one. Is that a code? Is there something in the light pattern. Or just lights flashing. Or are they just fireflies. Flashing away to each other, and I’m incidental to the lights themselves.
Why am i drawn to these lights. Lights in so many of my dreams. So many of my thoughts seem focused on these lights. Green and blue, and amber and red. They are everywhere in my mind. I am soothed to sleep with them, and woken up to them again in whatever passes for morning here. Is it because this room has such a steady color of light? I never dream of the color light that seems to light up this room from everywhere at once. The colors in my dreams never seem to be that light.