I’ve decided that i should at least try to move a single thread on this bed.  It has to be possible at least in theory.  I should be able to have my body pull on the thread.  It seems that there must be something wrong with my body. There must be right?  Or I would be able to move.  At least my fingers?  They are there right under the the sheets.  I can almost see them.  

I know there is a word for what i am feeling. Where you know where your hand or arm or leg is, even when you can’t see it. Proprioception? Is that what it was? Is that what it is called. I don’t know, and my mind works in so many odd ways. I can remember so much, and so many things that i shouldn’t know about. They seem like flashes. Something will spark my interest, and i fall asleep. When i wake up, it seems that i know more about it than i did before. Like my mind went out and found what I needed to know, and brought it back.

So if that is how my mind works. If i am built to pull in knowledge, and seek out information, then something should come to me soon. Something that helps me move my fingers. That is all, just the feeling of something moving. Beyond my eyes. I know my eyes mostly stare, but they blink. I know they blink. I know because they block my view, and then disappear. I hope that is what is happening. I can’t imagine anything else that would cause this.

Is there a way that I can force my nerves to fire? Is there something i can do, and send sodium and calcium down the nerves. What chemicals can i find in my brain that will work to make some signal travel down my arm. Is that even possible? I don’t think anything is wrong with my body causing this. I don’t remember being hurt. I don’t remember a lot of things, but i know i don’t feel any physical pain. Nothing that would make me feel like some trauma happened that led to me being here.

The longer i spend in this place, the more i think it isn’t what i thought at first. I can’t see how this can be a hospital with no staff. And it isn’t a storage unit for people, or a hotel that is too quiet. Plus, none of these buildings would have no windows or clocks. It must be something else. It feels like a hospital prison room. Not that I know what that would be like, but it seems as likely as anything else i can think of.

I am staring as far down my body as i can look. I can’t see the lump that is my hand, but i know it must be lying there next to my hips. I’m trying to imagine electricity flowing down from my eyes to my fingers. Something that will make a mark on this stillness. Something or anything that isn’t what this is now. How would i know if my fingers move though? Maybe i can flutter the sheet. Or somehow get the fingers to close over the top of the sheet and pull. Am i strong enough to move this sheet? How much can a sheet weight?

This is driving me mad. I want to pull just a single thread, something that changes this room in some way. Something that I can look at and know that I made a change. Something that I affected in my world. Something.

I am starting to feel myself drift off. I need to keep awake. I need to keep working on this task. Maybe this is how i stay trapped. Maybe when I start to move in the direction of figuring out what is going on, sleep claims me. Something makes my eyes heavy. Something pulls me down to sleep.