I had another dream. I’m locked in bed in this room and in my mind still. I guess because I am having trouble telling where I am anymore.  My messages are getting garbled.  Like an old TV signal passing through trees and wind.  Something blocking the clarity of my mind and my dreams. Although my dream made me wonder if this is really a bed i am in. It seems like one in my mind. I can’t imagine it would be anything but a dream and a real bed.  I had a dream where I was talking to two people who were interviewing me to find out what was happening to me.  I don’t remember every part of the dream, or everything that they said.  That is what was also so strange about that dream.  I don’t normally forget the parts of a dream, or forget moments that I am seeing when i am asleep.  Only when I am awake do things seem to fall apart and get lost in the flow of moments.

 I don’t know why I was here, but it almost seemed like a lab.  There were computers everywhere, and through smoky glass I didn’t see all the way through, and it seemed like stars at first.  Then i realized it was rows and rows of servers.  Just the backs of servers.  I remember looking at the cables, and wondering who spent all that time tying down the cables so effectively.  You could see the order and symmetry of those cords, and how each bundle went together

I remember the moment, but then blocks are gone. Whole blocks of time and memory of conversations. A moment starts with someone asking me

‘Where are you now?’ A woman asks.

Though then I couldn’t tell you what I said in response. I just have this grey vision of lights. Hypnotizing lights flashing and blinking in some rhythm and pattern. When I try to lock down more of the dream, my brain starts to pound and hurt. My eyes seem open, and hurt like nails being jabbed deep into my sockets. When i turn my thoughts away from the conversation, the pain starts to go away. Am I being kept from thinking of these people? These are the first people who have spoken to me in so long, I want to be able to remember them. I want to know what they asked me, and what I said in response.

I am so tired now, and maybe sleep for a moment is the answer to all of my questions. Sometimes, I remember more of my dreams in my dreams. Like my mind has freedom to reconstruct what my waking mind can’t be allowed to see.