I was at the ocean again. In the water, or at the edge of the water. I wasn’t sure where in the world i was. I wasn’t sure if this even was our world, but I knew it must be. None of my dreams are ever in places that don’t seem in some way real and whole. I don’t think even my strangest dreams seem to be unlinked to some form of reality. Even the ones that seem surreal and crazy, seem to be set and populated with real people, and real places. Just linked in someway to a fantastic setting that seems more of a movie set than real life.

This was the normal sea though. Just stretching so far out, that the edge of the ocean seemed to recede into mist. A low fog, that wasn’t really fog, but just the humidity in the air over such a large space. Seeming to build up, till it looked like a fog bank in the distance. The water was so blue today. I don’t think that is normal for where i was, but I don’t know why i thought that. Why it seemed this was a wonderful day to be here. Be where the water meets the land.

The surf was so low today. I expected to hear waves crashing on the coast. Even small waves would have seemed more normal, but this was just waves lapping at the water’s edge. Just gentle movements of water. Like the waves of a large lake. Nothing like what i would expect of the ocean. But these didn’t even rise up more than an inch or two, in tiny swells and then pushed into the rocks and sand near my feet.

I was standing on barnacles and small snails and mussel shells on the rocks. Every step i took was echoed with a hundred crunches and cracks from my weight on the rocks. I have never been so aware of my feet causing so much destruction with every move. I knew under these rocks were countless crabs and animals. I was crushing each of them with the weight of my passing. Each small spot of safety leading to a destruction that I can’t even imagine. Like a natural disaster happening over and over. My passing was something that would shape the ecosystem at least a little bit in this small section of the ocean.

At the same time, it must be a bonanza of food and energy to everything that lived. The amount of nutrients that these crushed muscles and crabs would push into the surrounding area would cause a bloom. More food, with no effort to free it. Less competition as well for the resources of the other animals.

I remember i pulled up a smaller rock that was loaded with shells. Each one was so vibrant and alive with endless potential. Then it happened into my mind that I would cause so much harm, even if i tried to replace the rock in exactly the same place, i would for sure crush something. Kill an untold number of animals. If i carelessly dropped the rock back, it would be worse still. So much would be changed by my smallest action. I stopped moving in that moment in the dream, and stopped breathing it seemed. My brain was locked into this moment of branching chains of events. Wondering if there was a right choice, or one that even would matter.

This all seemed like so much navel gazing when i woke up. Like i placed so much importance on such an insignificant impact. To stop and worry, about the changing web of events by my passage on the seashore. To be so worried with my killing of all of these small creatures. And yet, at the same time, it pulled my awareness so much into what this dream felt like. It still feels like this even now, and i don’t know how long ago i woke from this.

I wonder if this dream is related to my dreams of trails. Maybe this is a different type of trail i am following. A web of choices and the impacts I seem to have on things around me. How much each choice, and each footfall can have on so many living things. And maybe there is something here to learn. Something to remember about all these connections i ignore each day when my dreams fade.