I had a vision in my mind of my hand holding a leaf.  At least it seemed to be my hand, and i knew it was a leaf.  I say that I didn’t know if for certain it was my hand because now i am doubting what my hands look like under this sheet.  It has been under there for a long time, and if i strain my eyes, i can see the outline of what must be my hands under the sheet.  How do i know what they look like if i can’t feel them or move them though?

In my vision i knew they were mine though.  Smooth skinned and perfect.  It is such a weird feeling to be able to move my hands so freely while i sleep.  I don’t give them a second thought.  These tools that capture the world and let me change so many things, and i mostly ignore them completely.  At least i do in my dreams.  I look at them, and never give them another thought.  Like they are just assumed to be there.  That part of my brain must not carry over from the waking to dreaming worlds.

I had this amazing leaf that I had found laying on the ground.  It was eaten or worn away over time.  There was nothing but this framework of veins.  Just a frail web of frozen tiny veins and those lead to larger and larger ones until the stem of the leaf.  I was amazed about this pattern.  This pattern of smaller to larger seems everywhere.  I have seen it before, and maybe had this same dream multiple times, and it has faded away in my mind.

I have been gathering the pieces of my dreams that seem to repeat and echo from moment to moment, and I am wracking my brain when i am awake to think about what it all could mean.  It seems that there is a theme and a pattern to everything that is happening to me, even if i can’t place what it might be.

I think somehow my dreams and this room i wake up in each day are the same.  They seem to be linked in some way, i don’t know what it is.  It is like an itch in my mind, or something under my skin.  I know there is a way to scratch it, and i know i have done it before, but I can’t rmeember how.  There are holes through my memory.  And with no way to retain my memories, they fade into the past.  I may be just repeating these over and over.  That is a scary thought.  Trapped in my body and mind and just flashing over the dreams i have had before over and over.  And then they fade and repeat.

I don’t know if i should try to focus on the dreams or the real world.  How do i know the dreams aren’t real at this point.  The fear seems to be that they both might be the same.  A layer on layer where i am never waking up.  If i could change something in one place or the other, at least that would give me an idea which to look at more.  For now I will at least look into the dreams since they seem the most varied, and maybe somewhere in that variety is a key to figuring out where I am.