It was a joy. A joy of so much freedom last night. So much and so long since i have had dreams of water. So long without my dreams of waves, and water, and running. I couldn’t believe it. When i woke up in my dream, i was already moving. I remember the water was green, and blue. It felt like electricity, and life itself. I remember the moon was high in the sky, and I could almost feel the waves being pulled up.
Continue readingTag: can’t move
To the side and gone
It was a wind through a tunnel. Something narrow and cold. I know it was cold like steel, or silver. The color was silver, and even in the dark, the walls glowed and shone. Something burnished and almost alive. The wind was a rush. Like water in a valley, it was pushed into and through this passageway. Blowing with a steady flow, and it wasn’t until i stood there for a while that i noticed the changes in the wind.
It started out that i noticed the hairs on my arms. They would blow, and then for a brief moment, slowly rise a tiny fraction. Then, back to where they were. This is when i realized that the wind wasn’t constant. The tunnel was breathing. Or the wind was breathing and the tunnel was channeling the breath by me. Either way, it was subtle and only in my stillness did i notice the changes.
I remembered as a child i stood on a hillside that had been mined years before. The mountain was full of holes where people had dug and dug. I was climbing on the mountain, and remember finding a hole in the ground. Just a tiny hole, maybe a foot across. I would have walked by it without noticing, except the wind coming out of it made this sound. Like a soft moaning noise. The wind was coming from inside the mountain. It was a chimney for the mines below, to carry air into the mine, and blow the spent air into the mountain.
I haven’t thought of that hole, and that wind, in so long. I remember standing on the side of the hole, and staring down into the dark, with my hand over the hole, feeling the wind. I was frozen then, and I am frozen now.
This is the first time i remember being a child. That means i must be an adult now, if i remember being a child before? I know that I seem to be adult sized here in bed. I know that I must be fully grown to know the things i know. I know this for sure, but I don’t remember being a child. Except this memory now, i remember that so well. Who dug that chimney? What did the people in the mine feel when they stood benieth the space in the mountain where the air was focused on escaping.
Now after years, i stood again on this metal surface, and it brought me back in time and i remember. I remember being small. And i know that it seems real, and seems like me. This place i am now is like standing in that tunnel. Why are the only colors i can see in the dark glowing silver? How can i see glowing in the dark? I am sure it is dark. I know light from dark at least, and I know my eyes are open now. How long have we changed to have the sense of wind on our arms to give us this information, even when everything else is hidden. To stop and know the motion of wind, to know that the air itself breaths sometimes, and changes in such subtle ways.
Synchrony and leaves
Clover and again so many bees
And no noise filtered through
Going forward, moving limbs
Bent and corner turned
Single wind and word
I couldn’t see any of this, it wasn’t even a part of my dream. I remember parts of what was in my head, and then this sound. This ringing deep sound started. It was something like a force pushing into my whole body from the sound alone. It made my teeth hurt. My eyes felt full.
The thing about the sound is that I knew where it was coming from, and couldn’t tell you how i knew, or where it was coming from. It seemed to flood into the world. Like a noise that became all the world around me. Then something happened that hasn’t happened that I can remember. I knew i wasn’t awake. I knew i was in a dream, and i didn’t wake up. It was like waking up in a strange place, and not knowing how i got there. Knowing that I was asleep, i could see around myself and see the movement of the things around me.
Suddenly I knew i was a part of this dream, but apart from the dream. I need to find out what this crystal was. Who rang the thing, and what was it for. What was the reason for my waking up now. Why wasn’t i awake in the world, and still in the dream i was in before. I know this means something, and seem like right now i can’t focus to figure it out.
Like i know that I need to figure out why my brain seems to shudder and start. Why is my mind piecing this background information into my reality. Why is the dream becoming so much more real than anything else. When was i last awake, and why are my dreams becoming more vivid over time. I seem to be putting things together while my body sleeps. Frozen, but my mind moves.