mymachinedream
I’ve decided that i should at least try to move a single thread on this bed. It has to be possible at least in theory. I should be able to have my body pull on the thread. It seems that there must be something wrong with my body. There must be right? Or I would be able to move. At least my fingers? They are there right under the the sheets. I can almost see them. Continue reading
I found this floating full form in my mind. It wasn’t in pieces, and it wasn’t something that showed up and i thought about. I was awake, and there was this fragment sitting there. Exactly like this, in my mind and frozen. It didn’t have an ending, and I don’t know where it was from, and where it goes. This seems like a fragment that was lodged into my mind, and floated there until it dislodged.
It was a joy. A joy of so much freedom last night. So much and so long since i have had dreams of water. So long without my dreams of waves, and water, and running. I couldn’t believe it. When i woke up in my dream, i was already moving. I remember the water was green, and blue. It felt like electricity, and life itself. I remember the moon was high in the sky, and I could almost feel the waves being pulled up.
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I have realized that these things i see in my mind are all united. They seem to come from the same place in my mind. Every dream i have, has a beat to it. A code embedded within it that strums to the same tone. Something unique, like a footprint running along the spine of the dream. The footprints match. I don’t know how i missed this for all of these months, years? Days?
I come here, and then I am gone. The summer months come i think. I can’t see out of the room, and I know that i have no way of knowing. But at the same moment that I can’t know, i know with certainty. I have seen the summer months roll past. Roll into the dusk of this room. I won’t be able to put all those moments behind me.
I woke up in the same bed. The same bed in the same room. The same room in this light that never changes. The same light on my sheets covering my body. My body that I can’t move, and all of this over and over again.
A ringing came out of my head in my dream last night. It was this sound like someone had hit a crystal with an iron rod. Something large, and like a monolith. Something that stood to the sky, and then someone ran at it with a huge iron rod in their hands. They hit it and the sound started at the base and travelled up the length of the crystal.
I couldn’t see any of this, it wasn’t even a part of my dream. I remember parts of what was in my head, and then this sound. This ringing deep sound started. It was something like a force pushing into my whole body from the sound alone. It made my teeth hurt. My eyes felt full.
The thing about the sound is that I knew where it was coming from, and couldn’t tell you how i knew, or where it was coming from. It seemed to flood into the world. Like a noise that became all the world around me. Then something happened that hasn’t happened that I can remember. I knew i wasn’t awake. I knew i was in a dream, and i didn’t wake up. It was like waking up in a strange place, and not knowing how i got there. Knowing that I was asleep, i could see around myself and see the movement of the things around me.
Suddenly I knew i was a part of this dream, but apart from the dream. I need to find out what this crystal was. Who rang the thing, and what was it for. What was the reason for my waking up now. Why wasn’t i awake in the world, and still in the dream i was in before. I know this means something, and seem like right now i can’t focus to figure it out.
Like i know that I need to figure out why my brain seems to shudder and start. Why is my mind piecing this background information into my reality. Why is the dream becoming so much more real than anything else. When was i last awake, and why are my dreams becoming more vivid over time. I seem to be putting things together while my body sleeps. Frozen, but my mind moves.
Everyplace my mind goes, i leave these trails behind me to follow back on day. Even these tiny thoughts seem to catch in my mind. They leave these memories that are like pathways to follow. Tiny lines between me and the dream. Each one seems to have a label hanging over it that can tell me when and where it goes. I know i can follow these thoughts back to the source.Continue reading
I dreamt of the woods again. Those are such happy and peaceful dreams. It seems like the rhythm and movements are slowed to an almost frozen state. The air itself seems slow and heavy. Not heavy in the way that burdens you, but just swaddles you into some careful warmth and presses gently into your skin. It was a sunny day, and everything was starting to wake up. It was a dream of spring, and a day of life warming up and beginning to come above ground.
The trees, the deciduous trees had started to get red at the tips, so you looked through the mass of branches, and the red hue lite up the tops of the trees but it was such a nice color. My eyes knew that this was the sign that the trees knew it was almost time. The world was getting ready to wake up and the trees were pushing into the air and testing the weather. Not ready for green, but shoving the red growth out. The reverse of fall, and the green turning to red, the red would turn to green.
I was walking this morning. Walking around on the sidewalk. So normal, just walking along. It was cold out, and misty. Not raining exactly, but not dry either. Like tiny droplets that you can feel on your skin. Not enough to feel like you are getting wet, but wet enough to know it isn’t dry. The ground was foggy, and the air was so crisp. So much sensory input. How can someone process through all of this at the same time. How many filters do we put into what we see. How much into what we feel. I know I was walking because my field of view was changing. I know that much at least.
The thing I don’t understand is that I don’t seem to remember that my feet were on the ground. I know they must have been, but I seemed to move with this steady force. A gate that wasn’t a gate. Like i had motion stabilization turned onto a video. Everything seemed smooth in a way that seemed more and more normal to me, but I knew was wrong. I can’t seem to understand why. And why could i feel each bit of moisture touching my skin. But only on my face. The rest of my body was covered. Everything was covered. Just my face exposed to the air.
I know that I was moving, but my body seems to have forgotten what movement is. What the feel of my feet on the ground is. I don’t remember looking down while i walked, so how did i know i was on the sidewalk. I guess i could see it in the distance and know as it disappeared before me, that I must have been moving towards it.
The trees, i wish i could put these into words. Cold, and tired and sleeping trees. No leaves really, or few left. Framed by the light, and the fog. The mist around them, and yet i can see them so clearly in my mind. How is it that I can see them so clearly. They don’t seem three dimensional, they seem to be some sort of cutout. I remember looking at them, and walking, and looking again. I almost thought I was trying to catch them turning on their access. Like i would see these two dimensional frames pivoting on an center access. Like a rendering of what trees were supposed to look like. If i just turned my head quick enough I would see them. Catch the edge of movement and know they weren’t really there. I know i should have walked down and touched them. Walked around them and seen.
Maybe i like this, this feeling of unreality. Is that why I don’t make a move to prove this is a real image? Or are these things stuck on a track, where I have these visions and they don’t let me move past them. Where I am on as much of a track as a pre-recorded video. And move along and view the scene as it passes. I don’t know if that is even possible.
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