mymachinedream
My body feels faded today. So faded, and hollow. I don’t think that it has changed, but it feels like it has been made of layers of clay. Each dried, but not fired, and brittle. Each built on the last, and each a shell around the frame. Each piece makes a shape around the core of me, and each is dusty and dry. Clay like a chrysalis around a caterpillar, but brittle and dead.
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I am piecing together what this world means. I think i am at least. I don’t know how to frame what I have found. Lying here, in this bed. I realized it a little the other day when the room had changed. Now I can’t remember what the change was. Maybe the color of the walls. Maybe the sheet?
I had a vision in my mind of my hand holding a leaf. At least it seemed to be my hand, and i knew it was a leaf. I say that I didn’t know if for certain it was my hand because now i am doubting what my hands look like under this sheet. It has been under there for a long time, and if i strain my eyes, i can see the outline of what must be my hands under the sheet. How do i know what they look like if i can’t feel them or move them though?
I have realized that these things i see in my mind are all united. They seem to come from the same place in my mind. Every dream i have, has a beat to it. A code embedded within it that strums to the same tone. Something unique, like a footprint running along the spine of the dream. The footprints match. I don’t know how i missed this for all of these months, years? Days?
I come here, and then I am gone. The summer months come i think. I can’t see out of the room, and I know that i have no way of knowing. But at the same moment that I can’t know, i know with certainty. I have seen the summer months roll past. Roll into the dusk of this room. I won’t be able to put all those moments behind me.
I was awake one moment, then i closed my eyes to blink and didn’t open them again. I was sort of cast out, cast into my dreams and then froze there. I was confused at first when i landed in my dream. I normally remember being in them, but not getting into them in the beginning. Is this the start of a new phase of my dreaming?
I woke up in the same bed. The same bed in the same room. The same room in this light that never changes. The same light on my sheets covering my body. My body that I can’t move, and all of this over and over again.
I was gone. Gone somewhere far away. This time it seemed like i was lost for so long i didn’t know how i would have come back. I knew that i was still there. Somewhere inside a place that was a shell of myself. It felt like a crystal fragment. Something that had been shattered off and locked away. Something smaller and pulled inward.
I woke this morning, or evening, or day. I woke this morning with a start. I was embedded in the middle of a stone of diamond. A crystal chamber that surrounded me on all sides. The light was beyond clear and bright. It was yellow and white and the brightest thing i had ever seen in my life. And then i woke up. So quickly that It was like a flash frame went off in my mind, and i went from the diamond to the room i am in. No delay, and no fuzzing around the edges of the mind or the dream. No dissolving, only one moment to the next.Continue reading
I have to try again. Again, and again and again and again. I feel like i am going crazy right now. Like an itch or a nagging pull against a sheet while you are trying to sleep. Something keeps pulling at my soul. Something is nagging at me, teasing inside of my brain and body. Have you ever had to sleep, and all of your joints felt like they needed you to stretch them over and over to release this build-up of pressure? I feel like there is something inside my skin, deep into my core that needs to be ripped and pulled apart