I woke this morning, or evening, or day.  I woke this morning with a start.  I was embedded in the middle of a stone of diamond.  A crystal chamber that surrounded me on all sides.  The light was beyond clear and bright.  It was yellow and white and the brightest thing i had ever seen in my life.  And then i woke up.  So quickly that It was like a flash frame went off in my mind, and i went from the diamond to the room i am in.  No delay, and no fuzzing around the edges of the mind or the dream.  No dissolving, only one moment to the next.Continue reading

I have to try again.  Again, and again and again and again.  I feel like i am going crazy right now.  Like an itch or a nagging pull against a sheet while you are trying to sleep.  Something keeps pulling at my soul.  Something is nagging at me, teasing inside of my brain and body.  Have you ever had to sleep, and all of your joints felt like they needed you to stretch them over and over to release this build-up of pressure?  I feel like there is something inside my skin, deep into my core that needs to be ripped and pulled apart

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Last night was such a dream.  It happened twice now that I have dreamt of trains.  I remember the last time it happened the train was in motion.  Rolling alongside the freeway i was driving on.  The train seemed to be frozen in space, and i was driving so fast.  I remember looking over then and seeing the windows lit up from inside.  People motionless, and yet keeping pace with me.  This dream was a train, but nothing else was the same.

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I am still here.  Still frozen in place in this bed.  Something changed though.  Something is different. It was tiny, and at first I didn’t know what was causing me this distress.  What had changed in the room i have been in so long that I can’t imagine anything in the world beyond these walls.  Nothing except the dreams that I seem to live half my life in.  Although lately, it seems that more than half is in these dreams that I keep returning too.

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A ringing came out of my head in my dream last night.  It was this sound like someone had hit a crystal with an iron rod.  Something large, and like a monolith.  Something that stood to the sky, and then someone ran at it with a huge iron rod in their hands.  They hit it and the sound started at the base and travelled up the length of the crystal.

I couldn’t see any of this, it wasn’t even a part of my dream.  I remember parts of what was in my head, and then this sound.  This ringing deep sound started.  It was something like a force pushing into my whole body from the sound alone.  It made my teeth hurt.  My eyes felt full.

The thing about the sound is that I knew where it was coming from, and couldn’t tell you how i knew, or where it was coming from.  It seemed to flood into the world.  Like a noise that became all the world around me.  Then something happened that hasn’t happened that I can remember.  I knew i wasn’t awake.  I knew i was in a dream, and i didn’t wake up.  It was like waking up in a strange place, and not knowing how i got there.  Knowing that I was asleep, i could see around myself and see the movement of the things around me.

Suddenly I knew i was a part of this dream, but apart from the dream.  I need to find out what this crystal was.  Who rang the thing, and what was it for.  What was the reason for my waking up now.  Why wasn’t i awake in the world, and still in the dream i was in before.  I know this means something, and seem like right now i can’t focus to figure it out.

Like i know that I need to figure out why my brain seems to shudder and start.  Why is my mind piecing this background information into my reality.  Why is the dream becoming so much more real than anything else.  When was i last awake, and why are my dreams becoming more vivid over time. I seem to be putting things together while my body sleeps.  Frozen, but my mind moves.

I was asleep again.  Asleep and awake in the pillows.  I can’t be asleep in the pillows, because there is only one pillow.  There isn’t pillows in the sense of multiple pillows that I could be inside of.  I have one thin pillow behind my head.  It has been the same place, and it has been the same pillow.  My head feels about 5 degrees, above the plane of my body.  I wonder sometimes, is this the amount that some medical book says a human body should rest at?  Why not flat?  Why not higher?

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I’ve noticed that every morning I seem to be waking up with new pieces. I notice new things. So many thoughts that up until now I must have turned a blind eye to. Was i noticing them at all? Were they there in any form, or was I seeing them and looking through them. That is a bad path to start your brain off with first thing in the morning. If I never noticed or thought about something before that moment, was it always there and I just never noticed it? I am sure that must be the case. However, that means that we have perceptive filters on our awareness. Only when we start removing those filters to we start noticing new things. But, there must be a mechanism for doing this, for removing these filters.

Filters seem like the right word for them as well. We use filters for only one thing, to block out one thing from going to another location. We filter out light with cloth or solids, stop the waves of light from passing through, or being altered in some way to dim them. What would the anti-filter for a light wave be? If we assume that the light is already being filtered. Would it be moving beyond our atmosphere? The vacuum of space though has a large volume of molecules blocking some amount of the light. What would happen if those were pushed to one side or another in the same way blinds are parted in my bedroom when i wake up?

What would someone see looking through that vacancy? What would raw unfiltered sunlight look like? But in the same way the more interesting idea is that of ideas themselves. What is the filter we have in place of a new idea. When you are a child and first think of a novel idea, one you have never been exposed to, what was the filter in that idea’s way? The filter exists in some form since the idea you thought of has already been thought of before. (Most likely) But you have never thought of the idea before this very moment, so what was in it’s way. Since I’ve already thought about it before you, it existed, but not for you. You found the idea, and realized it existed, but the idea itself existed before now. So is the source of idea’s the person who tells you the idea? In that case, to find new ideas, we have to go to the people who are telling things to us that no one has ever said. Those people are the ones with ideas. Maybe they are right, maybe they are wrong, but they are new. New to you and new to other people as well. Removing a filter (right or wrong) is still a filter moved out of the way. It still brings us closer to the raw sunlight.