by ·Comments Off on Sending everything somewhere

 I had another dream. I’m locked in bed in this room and in my mind still. I guess because I am having trouble telling where I am anymore.  My messages are getting garbled.  Like an old TV signal passing through trees and wind.  Something blocking the clarity of my mind and my dreams. Although my dream made me wonder if this is really a bed i am in. It seems like one in my mind. I can’t imagine it would be anything but a dream and a real bed.  I had a dream where I was talking to two people who were interviewing me to find out what was happening to me.  I don’t remember every part of the dream, or everything that they said.  That is what was also so strange about that dream.  I don’t normally forget the parts of a dream, or forget moments that I am seeing when i am asleep.  Only when I am awake do things seem to fall apart and get lost in the flow of moments.

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by ·Comments Off on Shadowed Echo – Waking Up

This hit me like a silver thread through my mind. It blew away my cobwebs and brought me back. Brought me back to where i was. I remember this moment and time.

WAKING UP

This was the beginning. I went to this place and worked on waking up. I can’t imagine how long it has been between then and now. Or how long i think it is between then and now. I have a hard time with dates and times. Keeping them apart and keeping the moment of today from running into tomorow.

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by ·Comments Off on A second face

Something new happened. I have to remember it. I don’t know how to even classify this in the oddities that seem to happen so frequently. And I want to talk about the annoying hum in the wires behind my head. I know it isn’t a large thing to want to change, but if i could find some way to shut that off, my mind would unclench. That can wait though. I think someone was watching me in my dream last night.

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by ·Comments Off on Beam of light

I remember cardboard boxes today. This must be the most boring and basic memory I have ever had. Especially lately. I thought I was finding a way somewhere forward from here, but now all that is in my mind is boxes. Cardboard boxes. The kind you ship packages in, the ones that pile up to the door while you are out. Waste of the day, and broken down without a second thought. I am remembering the way the light would shine into and through the corners of a folded up box. The area where the edges fold together at the bottom of the box.

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by ·Comments Off on Pulling in a single thread

 I’ve decided that i should at least try to move a single thread on this bed.  It has to be possible at least in theory.  I should be able to have my body pull on the thread.  It seems that there must be something wrong with my body. There must be right?  Or I would be able to move.  At least my fingers?  They are there right under the the sheets.  I can almost see them.  Continue reading

by ·Comments Off on Motion and sandstone

I found this floating full form in my mind.  It wasn’t in pieces, and it wasn’t something that showed up and i thought about.  I was awake, and there was this fragment sitting there.  Exactly like this, in my mind and frozen.  It didn’t have an ending, and I don’t know where it was from, and where it goes.  This seems like a fragment that was lodged into my mind, and floated there until it dislodged.

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by ·Comments Off on Carried in a sack, the Buddha walked

I am piecing together what this world means.  I think i am at least.  I don’t know how to frame what I have found.  Lying here, in this bed.  I realized it a little the other day when the room had changed.  Now I can’t remember what the change was.  Maybe the color of the walls. Maybe the sheet?

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by ·Comments Off on The sun comes up and sundown comes too

I come here, and then I am gone.  The summer months come i think.  I can’t see out of the room, and I know that i have no way of knowing.  But at the same moment that I can’t know, i know with certainty.  I have seen the summer months roll past.  Roll into the dusk of this room.  I won’t be able to put all those moments behind me.

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by ·Comments Off on Clover and again so many bees

I woke up in the same bed.  The same bed in the same room.  The same room in this light that never changes.  The same light on my sheets covering my body.  My body that I can’t move, and all of this over and over again.

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by ·Comments Off on Enter diamonds and shine

I woke this morning, or evening, or day.  I woke this morning with a start.  I was embedded in the middle of a stone of diamond.  A crystal chamber that surrounded me on all sides.  The light was beyond clear and bright.  It was yellow and white and the brightest thing i had ever seen in my life.  And then i woke up.  So quickly that It was like a flash frame went off in my mind, and i went from the diamond to the room i am in.  No delay, and no fuzzing around the edges of the mind or the dream.  No dissolving, only one moment to the next.Continue reading