I had a fragment of a nightmare last night. It was more of a ring of a nightmare, than a fragment. The same moment, happening, with a start and end point, looping over and over. I was awake and aware that I was having a dream. At the same time though, I wasn’t able to stop it or slow it down. I kept seeing a giant tree. Reaching up and out. A massive oak tree, with branches that reached out to the sides and down to the ground. The tree must have been hundreds of years old. The wood looked like it had turned to stone. The tree was massive where it went into the ground, and the roots had buckled up.

The tree was there for so long, and the dream started with the tree making this sharp, deep note. Something that was barely in the range of hearing. Just a sound like a tooth coming loose. A snapping sound that you could hear and feel. The sound was of breaking, of being cut loose and removed. I stood there and stared at the tree. I knew what was coming, even in the first moment of the nightmare. The tree wouldn’t last. All these years were over.

To think of being there when something that stood for so long died. Something that saw the world before you, and somehow didn’t last past you. It carried so much weight in the world and yet, it was just as transient as everything else. The wood would rot, the leaves decay. It hadn’t even fallen yet, and it was already at rest. It had died when that sound rang out, and now it was just waiting. I wanted to go to it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move my legs. It was like I wasn’t allowed to reach out and touch the tree before it passed from this world.

I remember then that the tree seemed to wilt. To shift a tiny bit. I couldn’t say if it moved or not. It just seemed to be less now than it was a moment before. Like it was about to faint. Like some air had left it suddenly. I realized that was the life of the oak. It was gone now, and I had seen it pass before my eyes. I just saw it pass me by. I don’t know how, but now the moment started again.

I kept living over this moment again and again where the life faded away. I woke up feeling that moment when the air and power left. When the old passed away, and felt like I had lost something precious. Something that I couldn’t replace or find again. A moment was lost and I watched it pass.